


I Am Agent Washington

by CaptainLeBubbles



Series: The Way It Changes [8]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: M/M, also background blue team, and asexual wash/maine, and mentions of director/allison
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-11
Updated: 2015-03-11
Packaged: 2018-03-17 07:49:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3521273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainLeBubbles/pseuds/CaptainLeBubbles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes Wash needs to remind himself of who he is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Am Agent Washington

**Author's Note:**

> When the hell does this even take place?

*

There are still mornings when Wash wakes up and forgets he was ever Agent Washington. Mornings that he wakes up believing that he's Leonard Church, or Alpha, or Epsilon. It happened so much the first year after Epsilon was removed that they'd kept him in a padded room, because when he was Epsilon he ranted that he needed to _find her where is she I can save her this time I know I can_ and hurled himself at walls and doors trying to escape, and when he was Alpha he shuddered and looked too closely at sharp objects, and when he was Dr. Church...

He doesn't like to think about the days that he was Dr. Church.

He's developed a routine from all of this, a sort of mental checklist of reminding himself who he is. It doesn't always work, but it keeps the bad days at bay, helps him cope.

_ I'm Agent Washington, _ he thinks, staring up at the ceiling. He repeats this to himself, over and over, a mantra in the back of his mind.  _ I'm Agent Washington, not Leonard Church. I'm a soldier, not a scientist. _

Sometime in the night, Maine has rolled into his side, tucking his head into Wash's shoulder and throwing a leg over his. Wash shifts, curls into his embrace.  _ This is Maine, who loves me. I love him. Allison is just a figment. I was never married. _

Outside, he can hear the sounds of sunrise abounding: Caboose talking in his sleep (it always gets louder come the dawn), Tucker bitching about it being too early to be awake, and in the distance, the sound of Sarge getting the Reds out of bed to begin the day while Grif whines.  _ This is my family. They're a massive pain in the ass; they are useless, stubborn, unkillable idiots. I would die for them, but if they died, I would not try to bring them back. I would let them go. _

And in the hallway, the sound of Carolina walking the base, checking that everything is as she left it the night before, waking everyone up (more bitching from Tucker), and arguing with Church about something or other, too muffled for him to make out words right now.  _ That's Carolina. She is my boss, not my daughter. I have no children. She is my brother-in-arms and my comrade. She is... _

_...banging on my door right now. Dammit. _

A hiss from Maine, and the covers are pulled over both their heads. Wash chuffs a soft laugh, and Carolina bangs on the door again.

“If you two aren't up in five I'm coming in there and it's your own fault if I see anything!”

Wash groans and burrows into Maine's shoulder. Carolina is moving off; he can hear Epsilon whining about having enough memories of Wash and Maine's junk as it is, can she please not add any more? He chuffs another laugh at that. Epsilon knows good and well that Maine and Wash don't have sex.

_ That is Epsilon _ , Wash thinks, getting back to his checklist.  _ Epsilon is a memory fragment of a man that I am not. I have his memories, but I am not him. I have shared his thoughts, but they are not mine. I know his mind intimately, but my own far better _ .

_ I am not Leonard Church. I am not Alpha. I am not Epsilon. _

_ I am Agent Washington. _

_ I am Agent Washington. _

_ I am Agent Washington. _

*

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like Maine does something similar, reminding himself that Sigma isn't in control anymore.


End file.
